Things Guy wish a girl will know..
I am sure there are some things a girl wishes a guy will know too..but this is MY topic now..so live with it
1) Stop thinking so far ahead..
Had a conversation about this not long ago with my best friend, we had such a good laugh about it. Was telling him about how I get burned by girls because of my race. My best friend laughed and said "Nothing happened yet..and they are already thinking of needing to convert...and there they go thinking dating a guy with of the same race guarantee a spot on the alter for them.." Personally, I don't really like to think further than the next hour..cause I dont know if I will be alive then..
2) We know you do ALOT for us..
We know..
3) If you are not THE ONE, you are not going to the alter with us..
:)
4) Things that were said before only have validity of 3 seconds/minutes/hours/days/months..
Don't use things that were said before to get back at us..words are only words..always will..always be..
5) Just because you all don't have true friends, that doesn't mean we dont have one..
Tradisionally, guys will always have a group they will stick to..it might be a colourful bunch in terms of personality, BUT WE ARE LOYAL TO EACH OTHER, WE HAVE A THING CALLED THE DUDE'S CODE, a group of girls will compete with each other for attention, bitch about each other..that is why a group of girls can never work together. So don't blame us sometimes if we take off because we need to aid a friend or wanna hang out..
6) No, we don't give a shit about your day..
Really we don't =_=
7) We like challanges, but when you are saying and doing things just to see how into you we are..we dont like it..AT ALL (only applies at the going after stage)
Make it hard..but not ridiculous..
8) Be more sensitive sometimes..
Use your fucking brains when you all talk sometimes..just because we brush alot of things off, doesn't mean we don't have any feelings inside.
9) Know what you want please..
Guys have always been criticise for not being sensitive enough..but when we are..we are a pussy..so wtf you all want?? we switching between those 2 according to your preference??
10) Stop asking us if you are fat..
That is one stupid question that you all use just as a reason to get mad at us cause YOU think we are lying, even if we told you the truth..we still get in trouble..
11) Stop fishing us to ask a question..
Really..we dont appreciate it at all..so next time..just ask us a question..and not leave a hanging statement..
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Seventeenth Post!!
Jokes
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 mins.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?Sexual Harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
£3.99 a minute.
What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever or Blondie Kay
What have women and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45 lbs. What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 mins.
What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?Sexual Harassment. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
£3.99 a minute.
What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever or Blondie Kay
What have women and floor tiles got in common?
If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
When you take it off, you wonder where the breasts went.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman that won't do what she's told.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
David Hasselhoff - Secret Agent Man
There's a man who leads a life of danger
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger
With every move he makes another chance he takes
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow
Secret agent man, secret agent man
They've given you a number and taken away your name
Beware of pretty faces that you find
A pretty face can hide an evil mind
Ah, be careful what you say
Or you'll give yourself away
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow
Secret agent man, secret agent man
They've given you a number and taken away your name
[Lead guitar]
Secret agent man, secret agent man
They've given you a number and taken away your name
Swingin' on the Riviera one day
And then layin' in the Bombay alley next day
Oh no, you let the wrong word slip
While kissing persuasive lips
The odds are you won't live to see tomorrow
Secret agent man, secret agent man
They've given you a number and taken away your name
Secret agent man
**********
Thank god he never got that role in the James Bond audition.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sixteenth Post!!
Things you wonder if your younger siblings, ever did to you...
=_=
=_=
Now I am a little worried..look at what the victim did towards the end..DAMN
*okay..I dont know where the Takaful Malaysia thing came from at the end*
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Fifteenth Post!!
Jimmy Kimmel and Guillermo
And so Jimmy Kimmel is a talk show host for the ABC channel, personally he is one of my favourite talk show host after Jon Steward. If his show were to be on any cable in the States, it would have been much better, but its on national broadcast so they have to tone down and be less vulgar..
Guillermo on the other hand, is his so called security guard, which is out of shape and very funny. He was at the 60th Primetime Emmy conduction an interview......and...with a bottle of Tequilla...Sandra Oh from Grey's Anatomy was the first victim..check it out..
"Dont be a pussy.."
And so Jimmy Kimmel is a talk show host for the ABC channel, personally he is one of my favourite talk show host after Jon Steward. If his show were to be on any cable in the States, it would have been much better, but its on national broadcast so they have to tone down and be less vulgar..
Guillermo on the other hand, is his so called security guard, which is out of shape and very funny. He was at the 60th Primetime Emmy conduction an interview......and...with a bottle of Tequilla...Sandra Oh from Grey's Anatomy was the first victim..check it out..
"Dont be a pussy.."
David Hasselhoff Quotes
I'm sure, after the last many servings of Hoffman, you will be asking "Is he for real?". Well, the answer is Yes, sad but true. I mean, only a man of his GREAT caliber can be willing to pose for a picture such as this!
So anyway, for a final dose of the Hairman, i mean Hoffman, I am proud to present something I ripped from TV.com again, real true to life quotes of the botox man himself.
1. I find it a bit sad that there isn't a picture of me in Berlin at Checkpoint Charlie.
2. (after falling off the wagon in 2007) Despite that I have been going through a painful divorce and I have recently been separated from my children due to my work, I have been successfully dealing with my issues. Unfortunately, one evening I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse. Because of my honest and positive relationship with my daughters, who were concerned for my wellbeing, there was a tape made that night to show me what I was like. I have seen the tape. I have learned from it and I am back on my game.
3. (on Pamela Anderson) I never fancied Pamela - until recently. I was sitting next to her at a party at the Playboy Mansion and there was loads of chemistry. I though how funny it would be if we hooked up.
4. You know, I've had an interesting career. I've made a living, talking to a car, running in slow motion with Pamela Anderson, and starring with a sponge. Now, people might say there's no depth to that, but...uh...and they're right... however, it seems to have worked.
5. I feel like Elvis. Only alive.
6. (asked what he liked better: working with a talking car or a talking sponge) The car was a blast. SpongeBob SquarePants was fun, but he didn't come to the set. He was a stuck-up sponge.
7. (on "America's Got Talent") I let people down easy with inspiration.
8. (on crying at the "American Idol" finale)It was my best friend's birthday, and he was told he'd live for six months [with brain cancer]. He turned to me when Taylor Hicks won and said, "It's good to be alive." We both burst into tears.
9. (on America's Got Talent) I got a new show where we will never tell you what's coming around the corner.
10. I would consider (a career in politics). My first law would be 'Respect', then 'Get on with your neighbours'
11. (on British Prime Minister. Tony Blair) I said to him: 'I admire your attitude, your morals and what you stand for. You remind me a lot of myself.
12. (his reaction after reading the script for the "Baywatch" pilot for the first time) This is basically Knight Rider in a bathing suit. I don't wanna do it.
13. We made sure nobody died on the show. We made sure nobody ever drowned on Baywatch.
14. I look good, but I probably have the insides of Elvis.
15. (after earning the title of the male star internet surfers are hungry to read about by the 'Pipex' survey of 16-24-year olds.) I'm delighted to be such a hit on the web and to be crowned king of the internet.
So anyway, for a final dose of the Hairman, i mean Hoffman, I am proud to present something I ripped from TV.com again, real true to life quotes of the botox man himself.
1. I find it a bit sad that there isn't a picture of me in Berlin at Checkpoint Charlie.
2. (after falling off the wagon in 2007) Despite that I have been going through a painful divorce and I have recently been separated from my children due to my work, I have been successfully dealing with my issues. Unfortunately, one evening I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse. Because of my honest and positive relationship with my daughters, who were concerned for my wellbeing, there was a tape made that night to show me what I was like. I have seen the tape. I have learned from it and I am back on my game.
3. (on Pamela Anderson) I never fancied Pamela - until recently. I was sitting next to her at a party at the Playboy Mansion and there was loads of chemistry. I though how funny it would be if we hooked up.
4. You know, I've had an interesting career. I've made a living, talking to a car, running in slow motion with Pamela Anderson, and starring with a sponge. Now, people might say there's no depth to that, but...uh...and they're right... however, it seems to have worked.
5. I feel like Elvis. Only alive.
6. (asked what he liked better: working with a talking car or a talking sponge) The car was a blast. SpongeBob SquarePants was fun, but he didn't come to the set. He was a stuck-up sponge.
7. (on "America's Got Talent") I let people down easy with inspiration.
8. (on crying at the "American Idol" finale)It was my best friend's birthday, and he was told he'd live for six months [with brain cancer]. He turned to me when Taylor Hicks won and said, "It's good to be alive." We both burst into tears.
9. (on America's Got Talent) I got a new show where we will never tell you what's coming around the corner.
10. I would consider (a career in politics). My first law would be 'Respect', then 'Get on with your neighbours'
11. (on British Prime Minister. Tony Blair) I said to him: 'I admire your attitude, your morals and what you stand for. You remind me a lot of myself.
12. (his reaction after reading the script for the "Baywatch" pilot for the first time) This is basically Knight Rider in a bathing suit. I don't wanna do it.
13. We made sure nobody died on the show. We made sure nobody ever drowned on Baywatch.
14. I look good, but I probably have the insides of Elvis.
15. (after earning the title of the male star internet surfers are hungry to read about by the 'Pipex' survey of 16-24-year olds.) I'm delighted to be such a hit on the web and to be crowned king of the internet.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Fourteenth Post!!
Male and Female explained through.....A Computer...
We have been getting a load of 'the hoff' for too many post in a row already..so I thought its time for a change at least..cause I can forsee another 2 David Hasslehoff post coming..
And so I was surfing through the net looking for good viral mails to forward to my colleagues, and I found THIS..
'A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish nouns are either masculine or feminine. 'House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.'' ''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''
A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?''
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that ''computer'' should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computer''), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is impossible to understand for everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (''el computer''), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.
The women won. '
I disagree in ALL counts of what the women's group claim, though there are a certain truth to it.
Number 1 is so true, but come on in order for YOU all to get going we need to turn you on too..with some Marvin Gaye song, candle light dinner. So its NOT entirely true
Number 2 is NOT true, if we did not have a mind of our own, there will be alot of things that will not take place. e.g. Malaysia gotten independance and it is what it is now cause 4 MEN were using their head..though Malaysia is abit not so right..RIGHT now..and if our species weren't thinking for ourself, we would have thought the world is a flat board, we would not have radio, planes, TANKS, and we wont know about gravity..
Number 3 is NOT that true, everytime we have a problem..mostly its caused by girls, you cannot blame the computer for being incompetent if you dont know how to use it. Its like the most asked question in almost all computer service call centre..
Service Dude "Hello..bla bla bla..how can I help you??"
Caller "Where is the 'Any' key??"
you cannot blame us for being incompetent cause you dont know where the 'Any' key is...
Number 4 will ALWAYS ALWAYS stand true, but dont you think it applies both ways???considering the way the women's group objectify males..
So the female argument is not strong enough..
We have been getting a load of 'the hoff' for too many post in a row already..so I thought its time for a change at least..cause I can forsee another 2 David Hasslehoff post coming..
And so I was surfing through the net looking for good viral mails to forward to my colleagues, and I found THIS..
'A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish nouns are either masculine or feminine. 'House'' for instance, is feminine: ''la casa.'' ''Pencil,'' however, is masculine: "el lapiz.''
A student asked, ''What gender is 'computer'?''
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that ''computer'' should definitely be of the feminine gender (''la computer''), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is impossible to understand for everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval;
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay cheque on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine (''el computer''), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem;
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have got a better model.
The women won. '
I disagree in ALL counts of what the women's group claim, though there are a certain truth to it.
Number 1 is so true, but come on in order for YOU all to get going we need to turn you on too..with some Marvin Gaye song, candle light dinner. So its NOT entirely true
Number 2 is NOT true, if we did not have a mind of our own, there will be alot of things that will not take place. e.g. Malaysia gotten independance and it is what it is now cause 4 MEN were using their head..though Malaysia is abit not so right..RIGHT now..and if our species weren't thinking for ourself, we would have thought the world is a flat board, we would not have radio, planes, TANKS, and we wont know about gravity..
Number 3 is NOT that true, everytime we have a problem..mostly its caused by girls, you cannot blame the computer for being incompetent if you dont know how to use it. Its like the most asked question in almost all computer service call centre..
Service Dude "Hello..bla bla bla..how can I help you??"
Caller "Where is the 'Any' key??"
you cannot blame us for being incompetent cause you dont know where the 'Any' key is...
Number 4 will ALWAYS ALWAYS stand true, but dont you think it applies both ways???considering the way the women's group objectify males..
So the female argument is not strong enough..
Monday, September 22, 2008
REAL David Hasselhoff Facts
After the last post of David Hasselhoff facts, one would wonder if there are any amusing facts about the hairy chest himself. Now these gems are REAL facts about the Hoffman, as unreal as it may sound, they are true (and courtesy of TV.com)
1. In a poll conducted by website Wotif.com, David Hasselhoff proved to be the least popular celebrity on Valentine’s Day 2007, when not one of the 5000 Australians polled selected him as the person who they would most like to take on a romantic Valentine's Day getaway.
2. In December 2006, David likened himself to British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, and admitted he would consider a career in politics.
3. Viewers were shocked by David’s strange antics on a UK breakfast show in October 2006. David denies he was drunk during the interview in which he attempted to charm the host, Jennie Falconer, before performing a hip-thrusting dance routine to his new song and falling asleep during an ad break.
4. David will appear in a stage musical based on his own life. David Hasselhoff: The Musical, will open in Melbourne, Australia before moving on to America.
5. David is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as "The Most Watched TV Star in the World," thanks to starring roles in both Knight Rider and Baywatch.
6. In 2004, David played the lead role in London performances of Chicago, for three months, starting July 16.
7. David had a cameo appearance in The SpongeBob SquarePants movie. He starred as himself.
8. In 1989 David was awarded "Most Popular and Best Selling Artist of the Year" in Germany and was invited to perform Freedom on the Berlin Wall on New Year's Eve 1989.
9. In Germany, David shares his dubbing voice with that of Kermit the Frog.
10. David has parachuted with the US Army Parachute Demonstration Team, The Golden Knights, and has flown with the US Navy's Blue Angels!
11. David's recording, Looking for Freedom, remained in the number one spot on the German charts for eight consecutive weeks in 1989.
12. David had a pay-per-view special that he hoped would help him gain popularity as a singer in the United States. Unfortunately for him, on the night of the special O.J. Simpson ended up having his infamous white Bronco slo-mo chase.
13. David combined his acting and singing abilities when he starred in the Broadway musical Jekyll & Hyde. His unforgettable performance airs occasionally on HBO and is also available on DVD.
14. David has also released several pop music albums.
1. In a poll conducted by website Wotif.com, David Hasselhoff proved to be the least popular celebrity on Valentine’s Day 2007, when not one of the 5000 Australians polled selected him as the person who they would most like to take on a romantic Valentine's Day getaway.
2. In December 2006, David likened himself to British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, and admitted he would consider a career in politics.
3. Viewers were shocked by David’s strange antics on a UK breakfast show in October 2006. David denies he was drunk during the interview in which he attempted to charm the host, Jennie Falconer, before performing a hip-thrusting dance routine to his new song and falling asleep during an ad break.
4. David will appear in a stage musical based on his own life. David Hasselhoff: The Musical, will open in Melbourne, Australia before moving on to America.
5. David is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as "The Most Watched TV Star in the World," thanks to starring roles in both Knight Rider and Baywatch.
6. In 2004, David played the lead role in London performances of Chicago, for three months, starting July 16.
7. David had a cameo appearance in The SpongeBob SquarePants movie. He starred as himself.
8. In 1989 David was awarded "Most Popular and Best Selling Artist of the Year" in Germany and was invited to perform Freedom on the Berlin Wall on New Year's Eve 1989.
9. In Germany, David shares his dubbing voice with that of Kermit the Frog.
10. David has parachuted with the US Army Parachute Demonstration Team, The Golden Knights, and has flown with the US Navy's Blue Angels!
11. David's recording, Looking for Freedom, remained in the number one spot on the German charts for eight consecutive weeks in 1989.
12. David had a pay-per-view special that he hoped would help him gain popularity as a singer in the United States. Unfortunately for him, on the night of the special O.J. Simpson ended up having his infamous white Bronco slo-mo chase.
13. David combined his acting and singing abilities when he starred in the Broadway musical Jekyll & Hyde. His unforgettable performance airs occasionally on HBO and is also available on DVD.
14. David has also released several pop music albums.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
The Drunk Hoff
The Hoffman said this back in 2007 after falling off the wagon
The tape... is quite the disaster... as you will see here
Speaking of alcohol problems, his history isn't very sober either (info taken from TV.com)
All hail the Hoffman. Burp.
Despite that I have been going through a painful divorce and I have recently been separated from my children due to my work, I have been successfully dealing with my issues. Unfortunately, one evening I did have a brief relapse, but part of recovery is relapse. Because of my honest and positive relationship with my daughters, who were concerned for my wellbeing, there was a tape made that night to show me what I was like. I have seen the tape. I have learned from it and I am back on my game.
The tape... is quite the disaster... as you will see here
Speaking of alcohol problems, his history isn't very sober either (info taken from TV.com)
- David checked himself into the Betty Ford Clinic for alcohol-related problems in 2002.
- Viewers were shocked by David’s strange antics on a UK breakfast show in October 2006. David denies he was drunk during the interview in which he attempted to charm the host, Jennie Falconer, before performing a hip-thrusting dance routine to his new song and falling asleep during an ad break
- In May 2007, David was forced to admit he had fallen off the wagon, after video footage of him rolling around the floor drunk was released to the media. David’s 16-year-old daughter filmed the scene, telling her father off for going back to drinking
- In October 2007, David relapsed once again but was fortunate enough to realize he needed assistance and checked in to hospital.
All hail the Hoffman. Burp.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
David Hasselhoff - Jump In My Car
Jump in my car, I wanna ta-ake you home,come on and jump in my car, it's too far to walk on your ow-own
No thank you sir-ir
Ah, c'mon, I'm a trustworthy guy
No thank you sir-ir
Oh little girl I wouldn't tell you no lie
I know your ga-ame
How can you say that, we've only just met
You're all the sa-ame
Ooh, she's got me there, but I'll get her yet
I got you then
No you didn't, I was catchin' my breath
And look it's startin' to rain and baby you'll catch your death
Well, I don't know-ow
Ah, come on it costs nothin' to try
And you'll arrive ho-ome nice and dry
ooh, jump in my car, I wanna ta-ake you home
jump in my car, it's too far to walk on your ow-own
jump in my car, I wanna ta-ake you home
C'mon and jump in my car, it's way too far to walk on your ow-own
Well maybe I wi-ill
Ah, that's better now, your talkin' sense
But you best keep still
Well, if you like I'll just put up a fence
No need to get smart
Well alright we'll soon be on our way
We better start
What for?
Because it's such a long way
Why, where d'you live?
I live down south, it's roughly eighty-four miles
Hey slow down, you must be jokin' there behind that cute smile
Oh, no I'm not
Well, if you're not there's only one thing to say
And what's that?
Get out the car, get on your way
Get out of my car
But you just said that you'd take me home
it's just too far
But there's no way that I can get there alone
I couldn't care less
Maybe I could see you next week
But you look a mess
But look who's talkin', you've got no right to speak
Get out of my car
You told me that you were a really nice guy
Well I aint
yeah,Get out of my car
Get out
Get out of my car
****************
....
No comment
And trust me on this.
This is his most TAME MTV so far.
Wait for the next post.
David Hasselhoff - Hooked on a Feeling
I can’t stop this feelin’
Deep inside of me
Girl you just don’t realize
What you do to me
When you hold me
In your arms so tight
You let me know
Everything’s alright
I’m - hooked on a feeling
I’m high on believin’
That you’re in love with me
lips are sweet as candy
your taste is on my mind
Girl you got me thirsty
For...another cup of wine
Got a bug from you girl
But I don’t need no cure
I’ll just stay affected
if i cant be sure
All the good love - when we’re all alone
Keep it up girl - yeah you turn me on
I’m hooked on a feeling
I’m high on believin’
That you’re in love with me
(Spoken)
Oh yeah
That's right
(Breakdown)
When you hold me
In your arms so tight
You let me know
Everything’s alright
I can’t stop this feelin’ - deep inside of me
Girl you just don’t realize - what you do to me
All the good love
When we’re all alone
Keep it up girl
Yeah you turn me on
I’m hooked on a feeling
I’m high on believin’
That you’re in love with me
I’m hooked on a feeling
And I’m high on believin’
That you’re in love with me
hooked on a feeling
************
Yea, Hoff the Superman,
Hoff the Eskimo eating a fish,
Hoff the National Park Ranger,
Hoff the fairy pedophile.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
David Hasselhoff Facts
David Hasselhoff can be considered one of the great stars of our time (if you live in the 90s). The man who's viewership spans millions, who's songs can actually be appreciated (albeit only in Germany, but hey, they have the Mercedes, so they must have SOME taste), and the man who's chest hair can get a girl wet on sight.
So obviously, a man of such great caliber deserves to be among greats such as Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer. And so, it is with great pleasure, I present to you... the DAVID HASSELHOFF FACTS
1. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
2. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
3. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.
4. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead.
5. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh!t.
6. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
7. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for queers."
8. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.
9. David Hasselhoff once sang his way out of a glass cave breaking the glass with high notes.
10. David Hasselhoff got the role in Knight Rider because his balls looked best in tight jeans.
11. David Hasselhoff is the real reason Pamela Anderson has Hepatitis.
12. Every morning, David Hasselhoff shaves a sheep for a fresh curly wig.
13. David Hasselhoff once tried to walk on water.
14. At his audition for Knight Rider, David Hasselhoff pretended that his penis was the car Kitt because he swore he heard voices coming from it. Afterwards, the producers of the show said that this was the first time in a non-porno audition where the penis out acted the man.
15. The reason people tore down the Berlin wall was to get away from David Hasselhoff's singing.
16. David Hasselhoff actually plays all the women in Baywatch.
17. David Hasselhoff once performed as a singing stripper. The witnesses are now impotent.
18. David Hasselhoff can breathe under water if he's horny.
19. When David Hasselhoff goes to the gym he only beefs up his balls.
20. David Hasselhoff can play piano with his teeth.
21. Each time someone goes swimming nude David Hasselhoff isn't in the water.
22. David Hasselhoff can't fight. Instead, he has evolved to the point that his "singing" is used to scare predators away.
23. David Hasselhoff was jealous of Kitt, from Knight rider. Only because the car's voice had better acting ability than he did.
24. Kitt was once equipped with rocket launchers, flame throwers and sub machine guns, but had to be unequipped, as he was constantly trying to kill David Hasselhoff. He figured it would "purify the meatbag species".
25. When David Hasselhoff was in high school, he had the lead in the senior play. The theather was filled to the max, sadly there were no survivors after the play except for Hasselhoff and a deaf janitor.
26. The Kracken in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is not a mythical sea creature, but instead David Hasselhoff's chest hair trying to make a career comeback after being left to die alone in the ocean when Baywatch stopped filming.
Most of these are taken from here and here, and much credit is given for coming up with this (if they did)
So obviously, a man of such great caliber deserves to be among greats such as Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer. And so, it is with great pleasure, I present to you... the DAVID HASSELHOFF FACTS
1. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
2. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
3. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down.
4. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets David instead.
5. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's sh!t.
6. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
7. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because Grammy's are for queers."
8. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face.
9. David Hasselhoff once sang his way out of a glass cave breaking the glass with high notes.
10. David Hasselhoff got the role in Knight Rider because his balls looked best in tight jeans.
11. David Hasselhoff is the real reason Pamela Anderson has Hepatitis.
12. Every morning, David Hasselhoff shaves a sheep for a fresh curly wig.
13. David Hasselhoff once tried to walk on water.
14. At his audition for Knight Rider, David Hasselhoff pretended that his penis was the car Kitt because he swore he heard voices coming from it. Afterwards, the producers of the show said that this was the first time in a non-porno audition where the penis out acted the man.
15. The reason people tore down the Berlin wall was to get away from David Hasselhoff's singing.
16. David Hasselhoff actually plays all the women in Baywatch.
17. David Hasselhoff once performed as a singing stripper. The witnesses are now impotent.
18. David Hasselhoff can breathe under water if he's horny.
19. When David Hasselhoff goes to the gym he only beefs up his balls.
20. David Hasselhoff can play piano with his teeth.
21. Each time someone goes swimming nude David Hasselhoff isn't in the water.
22. David Hasselhoff can't fight. Instead, he has evolved to the point that his "singing" is used to scare predators away.
23. David Hasselhoff was jealous of Kitt, from Knight rider. Only because the car's voice had better acting ability than he did.
24. Kitt was once equipped with rocket launchers, flame throwers and sub machine guns, but had to be unequipped, as he was constantly trying to kill David Hasselhoff. He figured it would "purify the meatbag species".
25. When David Hasselhoff was in high school, he had the lead in the senior play. The theather was filled to the max, sadly there were no survivors after the play except for Hasselhoff and a deaf janitor.
26. The Kracken in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is not a mythical sea creature, but instead David Hasselhoff's chest hair trying to make a career comeback after being left to die alone in the ocean when Baywatch stopped filming.
Most of these are taken from here and here, and much credit is given for coming up with this (if they did)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Thirteenth Post!!
Selection of Words
No matter who and what you are, what you utter out of your mouth is usuall used to gauge the kind of person you are, might be to subjective what I'm saying here, but here are two examples;
Barack Obama 'Yes We Can!'
John McCain 'There will be another war..and another one after that..'
And so today's topic selection of words. There will be few example of poor selection of words.
1) Poor selection out of jealousy..
1234 "I believe he is just putting on a show for her...would you wake up early in the morning send her to work at KL, go back home in Subang and then go to your work place in PJ on a Motor??"
2) Poor selection out of ego
1234 "No, I don't like her AT ALL.."
3) Poor selection out of lies
1234 "I am NOT hitting on her.."
...and behind the scenes people are hearing something else
4) Poor selection out of intoxication
1234 (VERY unmanly tone) "HARIMAU~~"
5) Poor selection out of lies AND intoxication
1234 (cannot walk straight) "I AM NOT HITTING ON HER!!"
...and behind the scenes people are hearing TOTALLY different stories
6) Poor selection out of trying to impress
I have no examples thus far..
No matter who and what you are, what you utter out of your mouth is usuall used to gauge the kind of person you are, might be to subjective what I'm saying here, but here are two examples;
Barack Obama 'Yes We Can!'
John McCain 'There will be another war..and another one after that..'
And so today's topic selection of words. There will be few example of poor selection of words.
1) Poor selection out of jealousy..
1234 "I believe he is just putting on a show for her...would you wake up early in the morning send her to work at KL, go back home in Subang and then go to your work place in PJ on a Motor??"
2) Poor selection out of ego
1234 "No, I don't like her AT ALL.."
3) Poor selection out of lies
1234 "I am NOT hitting on her.."
...and behind the scenes people are hearing something else
4) Poor selection out of intoxication
1234 (VERY unmanly tone) "HARIMAU~~"
5) Poor selection out of lies AND intoxication
1234 (cannot walk straight) "I AM NOT HITTING ON HER!!"
...and behind the scenes people are hearing TOTALLY different stories
6) Poor selection out of trying to impress
I have no examples thus far..
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Twelfth Post!!
Ramadhan
It comes once a year..where muslim are encourage to fast for a month before Syawal, and to celebrate Hari Raya..I dont remember which year was it was that it came twice within a year..that was NOT fun at all..
The Ramadhan fasting consist of restraining yourself from food and water for 14 hours, so its really not funny at all. Those fasting tend to get pissy easily, not because they want too..but its just there, it feels fucked up.
Here and now I am gonna tell you a few things those that don't fast should NOT do..you can go about running your mouth saying 'we dont need to fast' , who the fuck dont know non muslims dont need to fast???
1) Wise cracks about those that are fasting..
In addition to already having to cope with a day with no food and water, something we don't need is another wise crack from a anybody telling us that drinking and eating feels good.
2) Eating or drinking at the bazaar
Sometimes I really dont blame those Malays selling food at the bazaar to be fucked up to those that dont fast at the bazaar. Personally for me..eating THERE is not a problem..drinking at the bazaar is just a cardinal sin.
3) Telling us we are over acting our fatigue
YOU DONT FUCKING FAST SO HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE??? yes yes come and tell me you dont need to fast again, but bottom line. We are the one fasting, so if you dont know..dont judge..
4) Generalising those that have to fast
Everyone reacts differently to fasting, some becomes stupid, some becomes slow and etc etc. But the one thing you dont do is come and tell me "ALL Malays become stupid during fasting", "ALL Malays become lazy during fasting" you can go fuck yourself, dont generalise.
It comes once a year..where muslim are encourage to fast for a month before Syawal, and to celebrate Hari Raya..I dont remember which year was it was that it came twice within a year..that was NOT fun at all..
The Ramadhan fasting consist of restraining yourself from food and water for 14 hours, so its really not funny at all. Those fasting tend to get pissy easily, not because they want too..but its just there, it feels fucked up.
Here and now I am gonna tell you a few things those that don't fast should NOT do..you can go about running your mouth saying 'we dont need to fast' , who the fuck dont know non muslims dont need to fast???
1) Wise cracks about those that are fasting..
In addition to already having to cope with a day with no food and water, something we don't need is another wise crack from a anybody telling us that drinking and eating feels good.
2) Eating or drinking at the bazaar
Sometimes I really dont blame those Malays selling food at the bazaar to be fucked up to those that dont fast at the bazaar. Personally for me..eating THERE is not a problem..drinking at the bazaar is just a cardinal sin.
3) Telling us we are over acting our fatigue
YOU DONT FUCKING FAST SO HOW WOULD YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE??? yes yes come and tell me you dont need to fast again, but bottom line. We are the one fasting, so if you dont know..dont judge..
4) Generalising those that have to fast
Everyone reacts differently to fasting, some becomes stupid, some becomes slow and etc etc. But the one thing you dont do is come and tell me "ALL Malays become stupid during fasting", "ALL Malays become lazy during fasting" you can go fuck yourself, dont generalise.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Eleventh Post!!
Things a guy should NEVER do..
As a guy myself, I gotta admit guys are pretty hard to comprehend. In addition to large egos, guys constantly want 'face', and whatever the fuck that goes on at the top of their head. But whatever it is, guys are always the colourful bunch as alot of things revolve around them being stupid and crazy.
But no matter how colourful we are, we guys should NEVER...
1) ...Put on a show
Why can't everybody just be themself?? Infront of a bunch of dudes they are who they are and infront of girls they are someone else. Personally, I believe you should NEVER do something you can never be consistent at. Usually only happens when they are with girls or hitting on one. I really don't know how some guys do it..
2) ...Suck at bragging
Bragging is a guy thing, no matter what or how..we NEED to brag. But please DON'T SUCK at it..if you suck at something any normal guy should be good at doing then something is just NOT right..when you wanna brag get to the point and make your point clear, don't go beating around the bushes cause instead of being impressed by your escapades we end up calling you a 'sohai'.
3) ...deny you are hitting on a girl
Denying to another male friend that you are NOT hitting on a girl when you are clearly drooling over her everyday isn't gonna help you garner points among your friends. When you deny and we know you are..we will talk shit about you..and when we find out you fail..you are better off just dead cause there wont be an end to it..and please bear in mind when we talk shit about you with each other..we laugh pretty loud...
4) ...be afraid to admit you failed
Getting burned by a girl you are hitting on...its nothing new, if you can hit on 10 girls and you get all 10..you gotta have a large pocket and or a VERY good looking face or ETC ETC. If you are SO afraid of failing that you rather lie through your teeth cause you wanna save some face among your friends, then I will just tell you, you WILL forever suck at hitting on girls. You get burned...so what?? talk about it..your friends might have some interesting things to tell you and learn what to NOT do next time. Thomas Edison and Colonel Sanders found more than a 100 ways NOT to make a light bulb and fried chicken through failures.
5) ...set out hitting on a girl by becoming their best friend first
NO...NO....NO....if you are hitting on a girl, and try be her best friend FIRST..you might as well wear a skirt when you are with her..that's all I gotta say for this :
Thats it for today..
As a guy myself, I gotta admit guys are pretty hard to comprehend. In addition to large egos, guys constantly want 'face', and whatever the fuck that goes on at the top of their head. But whatever it is, guys are always the colourful bunch as alot of things revolve around them being stupid and crazy.
But no matter how colourful we are, we guys should NEVER...
1) ...Put on a show
Why can't everybody just be themself?? Infront of a bunch of dudes they are who they are and infront of girls they are someone else. Personally, I believe you should NEVER do something you can never be consistent at. Usually only happens when they are with girls or hitting on one. I really don't know how some guys do it..
2) ...Suck at bragging
Bragging is a guy thing, no matter what or how..we NEED to brag. But please DON'T SUCK at it..if you suck at something any normal guy should be good at doing then something is just NOT right..when you wanna brag get to the point and make your point clear, don't go beating around the bushes cause instead of being impressed by your escapades we end up calling you a 'sohai'.
3) ...deny you are hitting on a girl
Denying to another male friend that you are NOT hitting on a girl when you are clearly drooling over her everyday isn't gonna help you garner points among your friends. When you deny and we know you are..we will talk shit about you..and when we find out you fail..you are better off just dead cause there wont be an end to it..and please bear in mind when we talk shit about you with each other..we laugh pretty loud...
4) ...be afraid to admit you failed
Getting burned by a girl you are hitting on...its nothing new, if you can hit on 10 girls and you get all 10..you gotta have a large pocket and or a VERY good looking face or ETC ETC. If you are SO afraid of failing that you rather lie through your teeth cause you wanna save some face among your friends, then I will just tell you, you WILL forever suck at hitting on girls. You get burned...so what?? talk about it..your friends might have some interesting things to tell you and learn what to NOT do next time. Thomas Edison and Colonel Sanders found more than a 100 ways NOT to make a light bulb and fried chicken through failures.
5) ...set out hitting on a girl by becoming their best friend first
NO...NO....NO....if you are hitting on a girl, and try be her best friend FIRST..you might as well wear a skirt when you are with her..that's all I gotta say for this :
Thats it for today..
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